The Story of Slothlake Middle School

Ver. 2

Disclaimer!

This story is rated 13+ by the creator. This story contains explicitly curse words, edgy influence, potty humor, and offensive topics. Read at your own expense!

These stories are what's called a memoir mixed with some fiction. It reflects the author’s present recollections of experiences over time. All names and characteristics have been changed or altered, Most events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated or changed.

The Story of Slothlake Middle School the Audio Book (1.5)

Chapter List:

Chapter 1, Incoming Prologue

Chapter 2, List of Pointless Names

Chapter 3, So Anyways…

Chapter 4, Final Boss

Chapter 5, I’m in Trouble

Chapter 6, The Real Ending

Chapter 1, Incoming Prologue

“Once upon a time. From a galaxy far, far away. A sentient being named Jone Gonad came from a planet out of this world and came to inhabit Earth. He created a school for all the children in the world to live and learn. But then a mysterious black tar monster wreaked havoc in the school. Then Gonad came in and stopped the evil monster in its tracks, concealing him in a glass container. Never to be seen again. And that was the history of how Jone Gonad became the hero of this world.”

This story is a whole lotta bull! It left out the bad parts just to make Gonad Look good! Damn journalists and them leaving out all the details. Whatever, I’m gonna tell a funny freaking story completely unrelated to yall. Prepare to laugh till your nuts fall off. Or your non-existing nuts fall off if you are a girl. 

Deez Nuts were born today, they were born two centuries ago. They came from this planet that got destroyed and came to planet Earth. This alien nutsack-looking guy Deez Nuts, also known as Principal Gonad, made a school that got totally destroyed by this nasty black guy. Thank Nuts Principal Gonad saved our asses there. But now we are schooless.

But right now, Principal Gonad is building a brand new school now. He calls the school ‘Slothlake Middle School’. It's a dumb name but whatever. He proceeded to build that school in proficient time with the surrounding landfill of garbage being littered in the nearby dump.

Chapter 2, List of Pointless Names

Slothlake Middle School has finally finished construction and is now ready to enroll some students. Principal Gonad went from house to house to ask the families of the elementary students to have them attend the new school. And for some reason, the parents let them go to the middle school, acting as if nothing had happened in the last school. Maybe they just wanted them out of the house so they could have some fun in the bedroom~. So the students that come back are…

Luciano Romano. He is one of the main characters that is a psychotic piece of shit.

Sebastian Jackson. He is a vast Notandu nerd who collects every single Poke-a-mans card and flexes them.

Zazar Bukhari. He is an asshole who wants to be the smartest individual in the world.

Isabella García. She has the hots for a guy wielding a butcher knife named Michael Meyers.

Maximus Hayes. He is 12 feet tall I swear. He can't even fit in the classroom and has to learn outside.

Bobby Bodycomb. He is uhhh hee uhhhhh the uhhhh uhhh who huuuussuuuuuuhhhh… I uhhhhhh… Hmmmmmm, I'm sorry I don't have the brain capacity to explain to him.

Kelsey Kameāloha. She is a filthy furry, making things weirdly sexual all the time.

And Axel Grange. He is the quarterback football player that is such a pushover.

Despite what happened in Elementary school, the students were totally fine and graduated safely. Principal Gonad then hired Bob Burden back to become the history teacher as well as calling up a bunch of other aliens and hired them as well. I don’t want to bother bringing them up as they are not important right now. 

The funny thing is, There were supposed to be some new students enrolling, But they haven't shown up to school yet as far as I know. Pretty sus if you ask me…

So anyways…

Chapter 3, So Anyways…

Uhh… So anyways… 

The kiddos were instated to their class with Mr. Burden and right off the bat, they started fucking around. Some of them start to draw on the desks and walls. Some are having a four-course meal of Cradins in the back. And two were making snarky remarks at each other, causing a huge fight to come out. Mr. Burden tries to address the class but falls asleep momentarily. 

The Students stop what they are doing when they hear the intercom turn on. The intercom loudly announces that the school is being taken over by the one known as ‘The Dilt Lord’! He has declared war on Slothlake Mid school and calls it ‘World Duminutchin the Triple!’ Then dares Principal Gonad to stop him and ends the intermission. 

Then Suddenly!… Nothing happens… 

Until the school starts blowing up! OMG! The students panic running all over the classroom and bumping into each other. They book it out of the classroom leaving Mr. Burden inside. Starting from the lower portion of the school, the kids see missiles being launched at the school coming from the park in the neighborhood. 

The students run upstairs to where the basketball field is. They find Principal Gonad being cornered into the handrailing by a bunch of bullies! The good kids get between them to protect Principal Gonad. These are the students mentioned earlier. They call themselves the bad kids and were promised a big reward if they captured Principal Gonad. Their names are…

Haitao Yang. He will eat you, your dog, & your parents if you piss him off. 

Reservoir Baker. He is the shady chemist that sells Top Ramen at PE.

Bishop Clampitt. They are a new species that nobody knows about, and he also has a mangina.

Muhammad Abdul: He is a terrorist disguised as a rich kid. Who knows when his next attack is?

Andres Brown. He is a part of the Ugandan Knuckles Basketball Team. He will show you da way on da court.

Carter Wyatt. He is one of the cool kids that ride skateboards like a pro and destroys his shins to show off.

Roosevelt Adams. He is an extremely political character that is obsessed with wearing bright neon clothes.

and Brutus Hopkins. He is a fat troublemaker who bullies the entire School, including the teachers. He is also really fat.

They were assigned to stop the main kiddos and Gonad in their tracks by an anonymous guy. The bad kids beat the shit out of the main group since they are weak old baby characters and the bad boys are super powerful cool new peeps. 

But then the bad boys get into some stupid ass argument among themselves and start fighting each other. The good kids were able to proceed to find the bad guy while the bad kids were distracted. The good kids and Gonad leaves the premise of Slothlake and head to the neighborhood. 

Chapter 4, The Final Boss

The Students finally reached the neighborhood and walked into the playground premise. They see the playground equipment has been turned into a technologically advanced war bunker with rocket launchers at the top, Bouncing Bettys placed everywhere, and security cameras everywhere. Good thing that the place was really messy and there was a watering hose leading to the entrance of the building.

As soon as Principal Gonad was going to open the door, Suddenly!... Nothing Happens…

Then the door suddenly opens and the bad guy jumps out. He loudly introduces himself as ‘The Dilt Lord’! And OMG! That guy is ugly as shit! He literally looks like a dick! 

Everybody threw up until the boy’s nuts fell off and the girl's non-existing nuts fell off too! Though hurt by the negative comments, this gave Phallus the upper hand and he went over to jump Gonad. 

Before he could do that, the bad kiddos suddenly appeared and start beating Phallus up. They finally realized that they were being manipulated to fight people for nothing in return. This gave the main kiddos enough time to find an unattended hose and spray the Dilt Lord. He runs around in excruciating pain because water is a terrible lubricant. Unfortunately for the Dilt Lord, he trips up a bouncing Betty and it smacks him in the face and explodes.

When Dilt Lord is in a vulnerable state, Gonad goes over to him and asks why he started this war. Dilt Lord explains to him that what he’s doing is not what was according to plan. They were supposed to take over the world, not abide by the law and make a crappy school. Gonad states that he wants to live peacefully among the planet's residents and teach them how to live and learn. 

Phallus gets upset and screams at Gonad telling him that he doesn’t understand why he’s turned into a little bitch and goes against their plan to take over the world. The kids then start to call Phallus a liar and belittle him. The Dilt Lord with his self-esteem destroyed, storms off crying and betrayed. That wasn’t what Gonad wanted for the outcome, but whatever. You can’t change the past.

The good thing is that they won the battle of ‘World Duminutshin the Tripple’ and the students started to sing a song, 

“Gody in a me-lo-d~y. My Nuts were bo-o-orn today. Ready to learn lots about yo~u. Get ready for adventures over time.”

So everyone went back to school and everything went back to normal. If you count a destroyed school as normal. Gonad went to his office to write up some plans to make some repairs. Both the good and bad kids became friends now. They go over to the handrailing where they first fought and make it their hangout spot. 

And to this day, the kids all still say… Deez Nuts.

Oh, Almost forgot that Bob Burden existed. He's fine, just woke up in the rubble and went back to sleep.

Chapter 5, I'm in Trouble

I, Luciano Romano, must apologize for my actions.

Mr. Burden found me printing a bunch of my story out to lend to my friends. 

They had me put this prompt in this document to state that the events in this story are false.

None of the events portrayed in this story had happened. No war broke out at school. No students weren’t harmed or manipulated. And Jone Gonad and Mickey Phallus were not planning to take over the world. 

And to my friends, I apologize for involving you guys in my crude and inappropriate story without your consent. 

Now I will serve my punishment by going to the library during lunch and sorting all the books for the rest of the school week.

Chapter 6, The Real Ending

By the way, That statement was trying to gaslight you. All of that was totally true. You just had to be there. Screw the school system! I will make more stories like this for as long as I want! The end!

xxx_The End_xxx

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